One of the most typical things people say when they break up are “lets still be friends”. Is that really possible? When you’re dating someone, you get to know them. Who they are, what they stand for and what brings them to their knees. It seems like a natural thing to transition into being friends, but is it a good idea? That’s what I’ll be taking a look at today.
1. It was mutual, for real. If both of you wanted to end it, this bodes well for friendship.
2. The chemistry wasn’t there. If you two were living together, got along great but the sex just kept becoming less and less so you decided to part way, that is a possible future friendship.
3. Both of you are attached. If you’ve got a new boyfriend and he’s hooked up too and you go out on double dates, it bodes well for friendship. As long as your current partners aren’t the jealous types, this is a good situation.
4. When yours of their sexual orientation has changed. Obviously if your ex is gay, you’re not going to have to worry about the sexual tension and after getting over the initial WTF reaction, a great friendship can come out of someone…coming out.
5. If you were friends before. If it’s there was a solid friends base before you started dating, plus no break up drama, chances are you can go back to being friends after.
IMPORTANT: No matter how easy going the two of you are, you have to have a cooling off period of at least two months, preferably four to six. Otherwise it can sabotage possibilities for you to get a new romantic relationship with someone new.
Worst case scenarios for trying to be friends with an ex.
1. If the breakup got ugly. Some people are mean when they drink, some people are even worse when they’re being rejected. If you or your ex said things while fighting that cannot be forgiven, it might be time to forget…a friendship.
2. If one of you is still hung up on the other. Be honest, if you’re still in love with your ex, do yourself and him a favor and don’t torture yourself with little hugs goodbye and watching movies in the dark. If you sense that he’s just sticking around because he’s hoping to stick one in you, avoid him like the plague.
3. You’ve dated more than once. If you got back together after a break up once already, chances are, in a moment of horny weakness, you’ll do it again.
4. Too many secrets. If you cheated on him or did something else that he couldn’t forgive and he doesn’t know (and you don’t want him to know) it’s hard to be friends. Secrets have a way of slipping out at the worst possible times. Sometimes it better to let the bones stay buried.
5. You weren’t friends before. If you have no clear friends foundation, ie. you met on an online dating site it’s hard to build one in the aftermath of a breakup. It doesn’t matter how nice the person is, if you never would have hung out with him before you started sleeping together, why would you want to after?
Obviously there are exceptions to every rule, but if you are dealing with any of the above, get running out of the friend zone. Always remember to check your intentions for why you want to be friends with an ex (there are, after all plenty of fish in the sea). You don’t want to end up being used, or unintentionally hurting someone you once cared for.
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